Have you seen this latest Dove advertisement where several persons described how they look to a sketch artist. Then, others described those same persons. In every case, the person describing themself was much harsher, saw things in a much less attractive way. In gestalt groups, I have repeatedly witnessed this phenomenon of poor self-image. Three persons sit side by side in front of a full length mirror turned sideways. All three participants can see their own reflection as well as the reflections of the other two participants. Each participant is asked to look in the mirror, and first, describe her individual reflection. It begins something like this: “Now I see me in the mirror and I see_____.” The patron is encouraged to listen closely to the words they are stating. The dialog generally goes something like this: “Now I see me in the mirror and I see how fat I am. I see that zit on my forehead. My forehead is huge. God. And those jowls…. I really need to get my teeth whitened. And that ugly chin. It protrudes. My mother always said I had the chin of Leno. And my ears and nose are growing bigger by the second.” The messages are consistently non-supportive. All three participants repeat the process, each looking at his ir her reflection and describing what he or she sees. Next, each individual is instructed to look at the other two participants, and one at a time, describe the others. In EVERY case, the participants are MUCH harder on themselves than they are in describing the other two participants. And as a rule, the most culturally aesthetic persons are the harshest. It’s as if all of the individual’s value is wrapped up solely in physical appearance, and that appearance is never good enough. These folks are the harshest judges of all, but only when judging their own reflections. They can be quite kind when judging the appearances of others. It’s the same in the Dove commercial.

Why does this matter?

Your every success or supposed “failure” in life, your every self-descriptive word uttered in either praise or self-deprecation, either feeds or diminishes your whole/gestalt self. There is no authentic separation between mind and body. There is only that warped perspective which is a self-imposed limitation. Either way, positive or negative, that self-image perspective is contagious and gets onto everything. It has an effect on your relationships, your social status, and even on your financial status. It’s like an invisible scent that permeates all of life.  So here’s the question: Do you want to emit a soulful, sensual, confident, sexy, intelligent, life-loving, etc., essence, or do you want to wallow in the stench of lack, misery, self-consciousness, etc.? How do you want others to see you? How would you like to view your self?

Start by going to the mirror and making eye contact with you. This seems to be the most difficult first step. And then, look at yourself as a loving child would see you. What’s great about you? Look beyond the physical and into the core of who you really are. There you are! See? This is where your personal power resides. Give him/her more than a bone once in a while. Give her/him your full attention. Gestalt means whole, and so are you. You deserve to feel whole and complete. You ARE WHOLE/GESTALT/Perfect in your humanness.

~With immense love and light.

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