Tag Archives: Health

Apr 26 2012

The Gestalt of Oz… The Wizard of You

I ripped this Perfectly Gestalt-Centered quote from Twitter‘s (Miki Strong‏@MikiStrong) because it so precisely illustrates what gestalt (wholeness) is all about:

  • “Always be a first-rate version of yourself, instead of a second-rate version of somebody else.” ~ Judy Garland

I grew up watching Judy Garland; you know, The Wizard of Oz and all the little cuties that led the way down the “yellow brick road.” And although I’ve never really seen a “yellow brick road,” I do finally understand the clever metaphor: The path is inside. There was never any need to look outside of ourselves for validation, for a sense of security, or for recognition.

Courage, heart, and spirit are central to succes and enlightenment

Courage, especially the courage to face one’s inner demons, heart for giving and receiving a balanced flow of love and respect, including self-respect and self-love, and an unbridled spirit are the core traits of human empowerment and enlightenment.

“The Opposite of Courage is Conformity”

Feeling fear is natural. Feeling the fear and facing the issue head-on is empowering. Having the courage to feel the fear and do it anyway, is where heroes are separated from fools.

LOVE

“LOVE” has been made to be some complex problem to be solved. Love is not a problem to be solved. Love is at the very core of survival of not only our species, but of the universe at large. Giving and receiving love and nurturance is life affirming, and in the law of attraction design, mandates a greater flow of love and nurturance in and thru your life.

Spirit IS All & IS All Sufficiency

Spirit is the divine source energy of all that you are and of all that you manifest into being, and of all that is. Divine source energy is the spirit of all seen and unseen. It is the very nature of everything, you included.

Cultivating a free spirit, a loving heart, and the courage to face anything is at the very center of human beingness, and of universal oneness. Feeding the whole of one’s self is not to be confused with conceit, which is used as a mask for feelings of insecurity. Nurturing one’s wholeness results in no need for conflict, no insecure or petty fights about right and wrong or good and bad or my church versus your church, or my team versus your team. There is nothing to prove when gestalt balance is the sturdy stalk of oneness.

“Oz never did give nothin’ to the Tin Man….” He didn’t need to. …but I kinda digg the shoes….

Dorothy’s Ruby Slippers, 1938 Sixteen-year-old...
Dorothy’s Ruby Slippers, 1938 Sixteen-year-old Judy Garland wore these sequined shoes as Dorothy in The Wizard of Oz. (Photo credit: Wikipedia)
Singer Judy Garland in her dressing room at Gr...

Singer Judy Garland in her dressing room at Greek Theater Los Angeles, Calif. (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

Screenshot of Judy Garland from the trailer fo...

Screenshot of Judy Garland from the trailer for the film The Wizard of Oz. (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

A publicity portrait of Judy Garland; from 1942.

A publicity portrait of Judy Garland; from 1942. (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

Publicity photo of Judy Garland for Argentinea...

Publicity photo of Judy Garland for Argentinean Magazine. (Printed in USA) (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

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~As always, with love, light, and serious gratitude.

Apr 25 2012

In Gestalt Theory Co-dependent is Not Interdependent and Opposites DO Attract

Gestalt means whole, and so are you. It’s my tag line, and I say it all the time. Maybe because I do spew it so often, I forget to provide the foundation that gives it so much strength as a theory of human development. As such, I’m writing today about co-dependency, a term that some will say is over-used, and one that seems hard to get away from in a blogging sense, especially when talking about wholeness and empowerment.

Recently, a blogger whom I adore, posted a blog spot (I am seriously paraphrasing) about co-dependency being about interactions between humans such as in grocery lines, etc. In this blogger’s definition, co-operation would have been more succinct. It is true that we all cooperate and interact with others on a daily basis. We even depend somewhat on the goodness, or at least on the harmlessness, of strangers as they check us out at the supermarket and serve us at the deli. And, as this blogger pointed out, if we look up “co” in the dictionary there is not a definition of negativity. The point is not with the “co” in co-dependency. It is with the dependency as opposed to independence when one gives away a huge chunk of who they are, leaving a hole in the whole; leaving themselves vulnerable to those who might fill or enlarge that hole.

When one feels complete, he/she is less vulnerable to those who would otherwise enjoy nothing more than taking some of that balanced sense of self. The more whole and complete one feels, the more whole and complete the relationships they’ll attract; this is true per the most powerful law of the universe: the law of attraction. And the law of attraction is no less authentic and powerful than is the law of gravity. We may balk, and squeal at the idea that we have some how attracted (especially nefarious) events into our realm, but we are all creating our reality with every thought and action, whether consciously affirmed or not. And while it is true, you might argue, that “opposites attract,” and at first glance this seems to defy the law of attraction, it does not, and here’s why:

When an individual feels lacking in any area, it leaves a psychic hole in the whole  organic human being. Let’s say that a child is born perfect and whole (gestalt), and the child is loved and begins to feel secure. This internalized feeling of security and love translates into self-love and secure self-esteem. As this child grows, so grows the seeds of wholeness. As life offers both opportunity and challenges (which too are opportunities) this individual is apt to have the internal fortitude to deal with whatever comes along. This person will (again, as the law of attraction dictates) attract like-minded/like energy friends, lovers, and colleagues that will add to the support foundation. This strong foundation results in the ability to take on more challenges and risks, and to progress rapidly in life, to creatively turn sour lemons into sweet drinks, to build-big on the sturdy foundation, and create a pretty great life. Generally, we call this luck.

Conversely, a child, born perfect and whole, is loved and begins to feel secure but then something happens; as an example, let’s say a parent dies and the remaining parent is left with feelings of grief, abandonment, and a slew of over-whelming emotions to sort thru. Depending on the foundation of this remaining caregiver, the child will now receive varying degrees of care and nurturing. Perhaps the child still gets physical needs met, but is left with budding emotions of emotional neglect. As this child grows, there is a large chunk of the psyche missing, but it begins to feel familiar, if not comfortable, and so as the child grows he/she (again as per the law of attraction) attracts relationships and events to reinforce, psychologically fill, and somehow fit into the missing hole. If the individual is experiencing him/her self as being wounded, that person will attract either another wounded individual, or events and relationships to continue to wound him/her further (as that’s the familiar emotion being reinforced). Sometimes the fit works out okay, and just as often, the imbalance exacerbates the issues until those issues are finally looked at and adjustments are made. This is the danger of not experiencing one’s self as whole and complete. This is the dangerous area of co-dependency. This is where folks lose their lives in extreme cases, and which provides billable hours for counselors of neurotics in less extreme cases.

  • Co-dependency is the twin-sibling of passive-aggressive behavior and both are ineffective.
  • Co-dependency is an issue when one is suppressed and will not own their own voice to speak up about inequality in a relationship.
  • Co-dependency is an issue when one stuffs emotions deep inside and the result is a festering of emotion that leads to dis-ease, obesity, and even death.
  • Co-dependency is an issue when one is victim to abuse.
  • Co-dependency is an issue when one is abusive, seeking to fill in the gnawing hole of insecurity at the cost of another.
  • Co-dependency is an issue when one is waiting to be filled up by someone else, rather than filling one’s self and taking care of one’s own needs and desires.
  • Co-dependency is an issue when one is dependent on external validation, the approval of others, instead of knowing that security is an inside-out job.
  • Co-dependency is not an issue when two people are whole and complete and come together in equilibrium.
  • Co-dependent/co-dependency is only language, words that have no meaning until we humans attach an emotion and/or judgment.

This is not a black and white, right and/or wrong issue to contemplate. Gestalt is not about judging, rather it is about awareness. When one is aware of the motivations of both the self, and of others, one is freed up to make conscious choices as opposed to reacting with or to some internalized agenda. It’s always about choice.

I like to think of relationships much in the way that I think about dessert. I am responsible for meeting my nutritional requirements, and for feeling satisfied and fulfilled, and when there is desert, well, that’s just frosting on the cake….

~As always, with extreme light and gratitude and heavy doses of love.

Ahimsa.

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Purchase Escaping the Chrysalis, Blessings in the Mire, or Shadows Attached:

Thank you, often. 

Apr 24 2012

Getting the Whole Empowered Gestalt You to the Destination of Success

There is a straightforward path to any destination, including to the destination of personal success:

  1. Clearly streamline the vision.
  2. Release the internal blocks.
  3. Embrace your wholeness.

A little under a decade ago, I subscribed to a program that I initially believed had more to do with time management than with success. Little did I know at the time how intertwined the two are! The creator, Mark Joyner’s concept was wonderful, but in my efforts to utilize his wisdom, hours were spent each morning just getting ready to get ready for the day. I literally filled out half-a-dozen forms each morning, just to get set on the straight path to success. Quite obviously, I was doing something wrong! It could not have been meant to be this time-consuming! Needless to say, I do not practice this lengthy form-filling routine each morning now. HOWEVER, here’s the punch line: I did take something very valuable away from the lessons, and I have since learned that the program has now been streamlined into a faster version (the link to the site is at the bottom of this page so keep reading). Are you ready for the secret? Are your palms sweaty and anxious? Is your breath held in anticipation of the magic formula for success? Well…here it is (possibly paraphrased):

“The straightest path to the goal is the fastest.” 

Are you still with me? It’s pretty simple, ehh? And it contains a huge and profound truth that can lead directly to the chosen path, if only the path is chosen.

My work as a gestalt practitioner has brought innumerable gifts. Perhaps the greatest of all is the awareness of awareness. Things are. Sometimes we humans forget to notice what is clearly in our face, to see how things are. There is a forest that often camouflages the obvious. Most succinctly, self-awareness is at issue. When we clearly focus on our self, on our feelings, and on how our whole self (body, mind, spirit) is experiencing any situation, we are offered a veritable smorgasbord of wisdom and opportunities. Our path unfolds in front of us and all we need do is see it clearly, and then commit to taking the most direct path to the destination of our choosing.

Many people will read this, and will agree with the plan. Out of every 100 readers, only 2 will take the controls, will commit to a goal destination, and will take the daily action in order to reach the determined target. Most humans will spend more time watching summer re-runs on the drug tube, than they will spend on planning a life path. Whether due to inertia or due to laziness or let’s be honest, due to fear of success, very few folks will take even the first step towards realizing a dream.

And then they will die with the dreams stuffed deep inside.

In the privacy of your own thoughts, answer these three questions honestly:

  1. If you always do what you’ve always done, what will change?
  2. What are you waiting for?
  3. What will it take?

When you have made the conscious decision to be the captain of your own ship, and when you have made the conscious choice of your precise destination, take the following steps to success:

Straight Line Approach

  1. Streamline focus and clarify the exact vision of where you wish to be in one, five, and ten years. Have fun with this; draw a little life-map of where you’re headed and see the big picture of what the path looks like, backwards and forwards. Mentally travel the path back and forth and really feel yourself taking the journey of your lifetime. Include all your senses in the imagination of you taking this journey. Feel the emotions of success, and hear and see the sights and sounds as you travel. What do you taste when you have arrived? What do you look like on this journey? What does success smell like?
  2. Consciously identify internal blocks; what has been getting in your way of success? Once you have identified the culprits, find the appreciation for the blocks (there is a reward in every held habit and action or you would not hold on). When you can clearly see the appreciation in the behavior or old habituated message, thank it for its service, and gently release the blocks, telling it that you no longer need an excuse for not succeeding.
  3. Commit to fully owning your power by consciously replacing the now-released old worn out messages with positive affirmations and most importantly, with laser-focused action every day. To help you stay on track, purchase the downloadable Kindle Edition of Escaping the Chrysalis for the gestalt tools to help when you get stuck, and/or enlist the help of a program such as Simpleology (see below).

Wholeness is not something we chase; it is who we are at our most optimal organic level of being. We are all born whole/complete/perfect in our humanness. It is our divine right to be without the criticisms and opinions of others. It is our divine right and responsibility to prosper and grow and expand our awareness.

Embrace your whole and perfect self and shine the light of positive self-worth. When you are experiencing your wholeness/gestalt, you have more to share with others, and as per the law of attraction you attract kindred resonating relationships. It really is that simple.

Get out a piece of paper and on one half write down 1 goal. On the other column write down 1 thing you can do immediately to start you on the path to that goal. Now do that one thing. When it is completed, cross it off and add another thing that you can do today (within 24 hours) towards that goal. Tomorrow, write down five things you can accomplish within the next 48 hours. When these 5 things are completed, add five more. Continue to do this until you have accomplished this one goal. When you have completed this goal, celebrate; do something nice for you. And then set another goal. Continue this process until you are so successful, there is nothing left to accomplish.

http://www.simpleology.com/blog/

~Thank you sincerely, and often~

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Visit Our FREE Stuff Page for downloadable goal-setting forms to further streamline the process!  http://jandeelstra.com/free-zone/

~As always, with gratitude and light :-) http://www.JanDeelstra.com

Apr 19 2012

Beyond Positive Thinking

I’m going to be personal and candid here, only because I believe sharing my experience adds a level of credibility to this blog post. There were many years when I was well beneath the suitably healthy levels of low self-esteem. There have been several occasions when I contemplated life and its polar choice. Especially following the death of my son, I contemplated the impact of my disappearance from physicality. And then I thought about how impossible it is to imagine a space where I did not exist, ever; and most succinctly, forever.

I don’t believe anyone can honestly envision not being. The shear thought of non-existence comes from the “I” place; there is no way to totally remove the “I” from even the thought of not existing. It is neither possible nor probable that one could really sense a world without the “I” in some capacity.

When a person commits suicide, he or she is not clearly seeing a universe without his or her self in it. He or she is seeking escape, but there is no real escape; there can be no real escape because the “I” will always be, and has always been.

Lately, I have noticed more and more emotive posts, mourning, creative and yet very dark poetry, and communications dampened with heavy long waves that resonate and attract more heavy long waves. With the law of attraction in mind, this dark frequency trend is disturbing. The universal sea is being loaded with long waves of depression and heavy emotions, when humor is so much more healing.

If Norman Cousins were alive today, I’m betting he’d be doing stand up at the Comedy Club, or at least sitting in a front row seat. In case you missed the story, when Norman Cousins was given a death sentence by the doctors, instead of buying into the doom and gloom, he rented a hotel room and watched Charlie Chaplin movies all weekend long. He went on to live a healthy, long, and assumed happy life.

So today, in spite of the pile of awaiting duties teasing and taunting me from what I lovingly refer to as my genius piles, I’ve decided to ask readers to make a comment, but here’s the caveat: The comment needs to be your favorite joke or story. When I laugh out loud and my belly jiggles the most, I will have determined a winner. That winner will be the recipient of the Great Jester Award; an award so coveted and rare, that to date, not one has been awarded!

Come on…make me laugh.

Apr 5 2012

Filling the Hole with Gestalt

Along the way in my recent travel frenzy, I came across a very young, morbidly obese female of Middle School age. My training alerted me to the possibility of either sex abuse, or of some equally horrific ‘stuffed’ emotional pain. I wanted to ask, to take her aside, and gently pry out the truth of her body armor. Instead, I smiled and chatted with her, my eyes sizing up her affect, while my mind was seeking clues. “Perhaps it is hereditary,” my friend reminded me. She could have come from a family of equally weighted dysfunctions. Sure; there is that possibility of learned behavior and also of genes. But in my mind, one clearly outweighs the other.

Gestalt is the whole. Mind, body, and spirit are one. When the body is layered with the protective layers of an armored truck, there is a reason. There is a hole being filled. It may be that buckets of Ben and Jerry’s are being devoured with a shovel in attempts to fill that hole, or it could be that sugar and/or carbs are being ingested in an attempt to self-medicate. Morbid obesity is not a sign of health. And add to the multiple ways we humans have come up with to hurt ourselves, alcohol and drugs are obvious means of filling the hole. In any of these cases, the alignment is off. The layers of emotional defense are just as deep and thick as the obvious exterior signs of self-loathing. Something is going on. Alignment of the spirit with the body and mind are central to wholeness. And gestalt wholeness is central to wellness.

I don’t know this young girl’s story. And my time is limited so chances are I won’t have a chance to pull her aside, to probe behind the layers. So, hoping she would bite at the bait, I slipped her a business card. I mentioned my work with the adolescent program at the Department of Human Services. I gave her a hug and she let me. Yet I get the feeling that whatever was making her so guarded and so insulated, she isn’t going to talk about in the very near future. I’m hoping I’m wrong and she opens today. I leave tomorrow.

I’m wishing now that this girl was over 14 so I could hand her a book, Gestalt for Wellness; it’s about a month away from public release. I could send her the PDF, I’m thinking, if only she was not so young. Instead, I phone a friend at DFS (Department of Family Services). There’s nothing they can do. “There’s no apparent cause for alarm in this case,” I’m told. I know. After having worked over 10 years in the field, I am too well aware of the limitations.

And I’m too well aware of the suicide statistics in America too. I hope again, that she will use my card.

~With love, light, and especially, gratitude.

 

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Apr 2 2012

Empowerment Is In The Silence

Empowerment is in the Silence

Ram Dass said, “The quieter you become the more you can hear.” I’ve been in a deep pool of noise over the past few days as I traveled to the mourning & celebration of life services for my recently departed friend; it is such a relief to come back to my friendly keyboard with my thoughts slipping out of my fingertips.

BREATHE….

I inhale deeply as I write that last sentence. It is quiet, serene and warm in my office. I take a moment to express gratitude for my safe haven. Soon it will change, as well-meaning friends will show up at the door to continue the flow of condolences over loss. Food spreads will line the counters and beer and wine will be consumed. Noise, an infusion of tears and laughter and anger and all the emotions that can possibly spill forth will fill the environment. Expletives and kind sentiments will explode to mask the heartaches, and little by little the venting will release the dam and the feelings of love will flow out with even more velocity than the pouring wines.

We each have our own ways of dealing, of mourning, and of living. I am mostly introspective, although friends would argue that I am not introverted. It depends, partially, on the company I’m keeping, I suppose. Loud boisterous types annoy my sense of self. I prefer whispers and intimacies over large gatherings. But I also speak publicly and facilitate gestalt training groups, so I am around groups of people often. Maybe that’s why the solace and solitude are so valuable when I can steal those oh-too-rare moments of quietness.

Ram Dass has it right. “The quieter you become the more you can hear.” And this is a wonderful thing, only for those not afraid to hear. A lot of folks are scared out of their skin to even consider being still and listening to the self. I see it every month in the gestalt groups; so many folks are so alienated from themselves that they refuse to allow even one second of quietness. They self-filter; they run (generally screaming and crying) quickly away. It is as though the silence contains too much truth. But can the truth ever be scary? Sunlight burns if you get too much, but truth??

There is great empowerment in the truth. I have witnessed more than a fistful of clients experience miracles in personal growth; it is because of exposure to these miraculous experiences that I wrote, Escaping the Chrysalis: Gestalt Tools for Transformation into Divine Wholeness. Without the book, it seems near impossible to reach every human on Earth with gestalt techniques for impelling positive change. I can, however, provide the Gestalt Tools for Transformation into Divine Wholeness by making certain anyone interested in improved self-esteem, goal attainment, self-actualization, and reaching towards a greater potential knows about Escaping the Chrysalis.

Gestalt (wholeness) is a seed inside of each of us. And the gestalt tools for changing any behavior are contained in Escaping the Chrysalis: Tools for Transformation into Divine Wholeness. The release of the book is nearing, and my heart races with excitement for you, the reader, because I know the magic contained in the pages. Until the actual physical release, Escaping the Chrysalis is available on Kindle.

With or without the gestalt instruction manual, do something to place the focus on your magnificence. In the silence of your self, take 5 minutes each day to let the thoughts settle and chaos begin to make sense. Don’t fear the power of the quiet. Embrace the gift of solitude. In this peaceful space, get in touch with your whole divine self. Recognize your worth, and moreover, your deservingness. You deserve to be gestalt/whole and balanced.

Thank you, often.

~As always, with love, light, and gratitude.

KINDREDS:

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Mar 30 2012

Spiritual Gestalt

Spiritual Gestalt

Merging concepts of universal spirituality and traditional gestalt techniques of whole aligned balance between body, mind, and spirit, results in a higher level consciousness that enhances the whole (gestalt) human experience.

Traditionally, gestalt techniques have long been reserved for the professional social sciences experts. Ironically, these purported complex tools are based on the concept of simplicity and unfettered logic.

In a holistic environment of awareness of the self, particularly as the whole self responds to stimuli thru internalized biases that are then projected outward and onto the subjective environment, the spirit is more fully incorporated into the mind, body, and spirit equation. The result is a more ‘in-tune’ connection with one’s intuition thus, a greater enhancement of self-trust as the intuitive processes are refined and perfected.

Because gestalt theory reacts with a person’s level of self-esteem, a thread of non-physical spirit-based awareness more clearly brings to focus the individual’s set of values. These core values are the basis of every life decision made, or not consciously made, but made none-the-less thru either intention or inaction.

Beginning the spiritual gestalt process with clarifying values, and then determining if those values are owned as being authentic, or are residue messages that really have their roots in the biases of other past caretakers is a liberating process towards creation of a solid foundation of positive self-esteem. When one is freed to examine personal beliefs, he or she can consciously choose to discard those biases which are not effective and to own the beliefs that support individual personal growth and positive self-esteem.

Spiritual Gestalt offers the means to release the past, ineffective, internalized thought processes with enlightened higher consciousness choices. Gestalt is the whole, complete, and fully balanced individual. With solid integrity, the whole self is much more empowered and is doubtlessly more effective in realizing one’s potential to self-actualize. Change happens instantly when the choices are owned.

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As always, with love, light and gratitude.

Thank you, often.