Forgiveness is the other side of the blame coin.
Luckily, we don’t have to depend on the toss of a coin to determine which side to bet our lives on.
Holding on to the heavy emotions associated with blame takes a lot of energy. If you doubt this assertion, try this little gestalt technique at home:
Picture a person for whom you hold blame. Really focus in on the characteristics of this person. What does he or she look like? How is this person looking at you? Does he or she exhibit anger, loathing, disgust, or hatred? Is this image of someone who was “supposed” to be your caregiver? Is this person a close family member? Is it an authority figure? Is it God you’re angry with? How brave must one be to lash out at a powerful deity, a parent, or a boss?
Continue to hold on tightly to the image of this person. Really get into it. Hold on with all you’ve got! As you hang on to this image of the one “who done you wrong” begin to notice how holding on is affecting your body physically. Be aware of your fists; are they clenched? sweaty? relaxed? What are your hands doing? Notice next, the tenseness in your back. Notice your shoulders. Be aware of your posture as you are holding onto this image. Keep holding on. Notice your muscles. Notice the way your forehead is responding. What is your heart doing? What is your face looking like? Continue holding tight to this memory. And continue to notice how your whole body, mind, and spirit are being affected by holding on to this emotion. Hold on tighter. How does your gut feel? Notice how much energy it takes to hold on. Keep holding tight.
Are you getting tired of holding onto this old blame? Do you recognize how much you are hurting yourself by holding on? Keep holding on, and keep noticing how you are feeling physically, emotionally, and spiritually. Hang on tightly, tighter still.
Begin to be aware of how much of your life energy (chi) is wrapped up in holding onto this old emotion of blame. Do you need it? Ask yourself what you get from holding on (you get something, or you would not hold on). Perhaps you get to whine. Maybe you get a good excuse to be angry and not fully participate in your life. Maybe you just need someone to blame for your lack of success. It could be that you are just holding on because you are mimicking a role model. You could have learned to be a martyr or maybe you learned to resent others because your caregiver was resentful. Stay in touch with your energy. Keep holding tight. Use every ounce of strength you can muster to hold onto this blame.
As you begin to see where you learned the emotion of blame, and when you can find the appreciation for the emotion, only then you can make a conscious choice to either keep or release the hold. When you have identified what you get from holding on, from expending all that valuable energy, you can determine what lessons to keep and what is no longer useful. Continue to notice how the energy blockage is affecting you.
Keep holding on. Express gratitude for the emotion. Offer forgiveness to whomever it was that you have given this energy away to for so long. Now forgive yourself too. It is at this point that you can consciously make the decision to let go of the hold, slowly, as you experience the slow release, and witness the previously blocked energy once again freed to flow.
When you have completely let go of the blame, notice again how your physical body feels. How do you feel emotionally? How is your spirit freed up? Your whole/gestalt self is empowered when your energy is allowed to circulate. Creativity is expanded. Energetic frequency is heightened. Your whole/gestalt self is healthier. You have more to offer. You are empowered.
Now, because nature abhors a vacuum, think of a person who loves and supports you. Envision one who brings a smile to your mouth, and a warmth to your heart.
Just notice… because awareness is the key to life.
Life is about choices. What effect do your choices have on your wholeness?
The gift of free will means we can choose to hold onto dysfunctional crap, or we can bless the crap and release it, thereby releasing our energy for more optimal uses. There’s always a choice to be made.
~As always, with love and light and gratitude.