Is it “not enough money” or not enough control of your finances?
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Today I was working with a challenge that my client claims is “not enough money” to live stress-free. This isn’t about the cost of eggs in America. This client is a Signature Elite Coaching client, invested in a deep dive 12-month package, so I want to start by saying she’s not destitute by any stretch. She does however, have a lack of control in pretty much all areas of her life: Finance and romance are her downfall, and it doesn’t have to be that way.

My coaching business is built on confidentiality, so even to be discussing a vague picture of how she’s currently showing up in life, meant having her agree to sign a waiver. Still, I refuse to give too many details because frankly, her example describes half of my clients; there’s a common trait of, as example, using the mostly dysfunctional, potentially soul-deadening behavior of what’s come to be known as “retail therapy” (said usually with tongue in cheek to make it appear less harmful than it actually may be).

Like so many others, this woman is spending in a failed attempt to fill a void in her life. And when the credit card bills come due, and the interest rate adds another third to the amount due, all that temporary joy of finding just the right [fill in the blank] is replaced with guilt, defeat and depression; In a lace-veiled attempt to fill a hole in her emotional life, my client has over-spent to the point of wondering if she’ll ever dig out of the debt, yet prior to our meeting, she still hadn’t created a budget. Despite having a lucrative, above average income, she’s feeling empty,

In coaching, as in life, it’s important to go three-deep, meaning ask at least three questions to begin to get through the layers to the truth beneath any challenge. Going three-deep is something I encourage all my clients to do to look at anything that gets in the way of feeding her soul. And I encourage you to use the three-deep technique too, to get to the truth of any challenge you’re facing.

In the example of my over-stretched client, the first layer to be excavated may be entitlement. “I work hard so I should get to treat myself,” is a rationalization that first surfaced. That may come from early childhood messages that connect self-worth to money. Money is self-love, only in as much as it is not controlling our life. Read that again: Money is self-love. And it’s not self-loving to put yourself in suffocating debt. It is also backward thinking because over-spending is not empowering; It’s blatantly self-sabotaging. It’s stealing from your future.

“How you do anything is how you do everything” is a quote that best describes this particular behavior.

It’s important to love yourself enough to create a real life plan –not just a life map once a year on New Years Day. This plan needs to address every area of life, including finances, and it needs to be an authentic, honest look at where the money goes. Is there a lack of a future in the plan? This can happen when there’s little or no faith that the future will be there, and is a common behavior that may surface after losing a close friend or loved-one, or after receiving a medical diagnosis. Life is short... These thoughts are moments sprouted from fear of loss, and can be remedied by some clarity and sense.

The second layer may be recognizing that being out of control is an absolute sign of poor self-worth. It’s looking for someone to save the damsel: It’s helpless; out of control; needy…. It’s also a sign of poor self-worth when you consider that being out of control with finances is pumping deadly stress hormones like cortisol and adrenaline into your body. This may be an addiction to the stress that keeps the cycle of over-spending in the driver’s seat of your life. Doesn’t it make more sense to practice self-control, to stop trying to fill the hole of any area of your life that isn’t fulfilled with things instead of with actual lasting fulfillment?

The third layer may be that of a habit of blame. Blaming politicians for the price of eggs. Blaming society for not teaching you, as a woman, how to handle finances. Blaming yourself, mostly, for failing to have control over your life; A very basic place to start to change the pattern is in this final layer. Blame is shame turned outward as a projection of feeling inadequate. Now we’re getting somewhere…

If you’re experiencing shame around your debt, it’s time to rewrite the story. That was then, and this is now. Start today by keeping a spending diary. For thirty days, track every cent you spend. EVERY CENT. If you make a car payment, a mortgage payment, insurance, groceries, lunch with your BFF, gym payments, mani-pedi, facial, gas or transportation, cute stuff that ends up in the landfill, education, fast food, coffee, dinners, gifts, whatever it is, if you spend it, you track it! At the end of that thirty day period, look over your spending and decide what level of self-esteem is in charge of your spending.

Your Financial Awareness Check-In 🧐

When you’ve tracked your spending for 30 days, answer these reflection questions:

1. What surprised you the most about your spending habits?
2. How often did you spend out of habit or emotion rather than necessity?
3. How much of your spending was avoidance, escapism, or impulse?
4. What purchases brought you real joy? (Not just momentary excitement!)
5. How much did you spend on credit? How much will interest add to that amount?
6. Did you prioritize savings, or did saving feel “optional”?
7. If you reallocated your spending, how much more financial freedom could you create?

Take back control by first finding where you’re out of control. Have an honest talk with yourself about your spending, especially when it comes to any spending that in hindsight was frivolous. Determine how much of your spending is done from a secure, self-loving positiion, and which is to your detriment. Just notice, without judgment or shame. Remember, you’re taking back power–not shaming yourself into a new way of being. Be kind and make a commitment to your self-love.

• Commit to never again being late with a payment and accruing late fees.
• Commit to creating and following a budget.
• Decide ahead of time, how you’ll reward yourself when you’ve gained control of your finances

Take Action: No More Money Leaks!

After tracking for 30 days, circle your biggest “money leaks” and commit to closing them. Whether it’s reducing impulse buys, canceling unused subscriptions, or setting up auto-pay to avoid late fees, you are now in control of your money.

🔥 Every dollar you track is a dollar that works FOR you, instead of disappearing on things that don’t serve your future. 🔥

To help you along, I’ve created a downloadable 30-Day Money Tracker that you can download and use. I hope you’ll commit to use it, and come back and comment about how it goes for you.
(And did I mention I’m giving it to you for free?!)

→Click here to get the 30-Day Money ←
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To learn more about women and money, buy INFINITE PIE: From Finance to Romance, the Parallel Feminine Frequency of Money & Love. Learn all you can to empower yourself!

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