Lately, when I’m coaching women (who at first blush appear successful, even confident), I’m noticing an undeniable pattern. The stories change, but the theme remains the same. Tell me if you identify: You’ve achieved, you’ve succeeded, and on the surface, you appear confident. Yet inside, there’s a quiet ache—an unsettling feeling of being unseen, unimportant, maybe even unworthy.

Logically, it makes no sense. You know you’ve accomplished things that should silence that doubt. And yet, there it is—that gnawing whisper of not enough. You may notice yourself secretly playing the too common comparison taboo: Comparing yourself to “them” because they too appear to have it all together. And you look to them, because they appear to be further ahead in the game of life and success…but are they? If they answered honestly, what would they say about their own level of self-worth?

Here’s the real problem: When your self-worth is placed in the hands of others—what I call external validation, you’re at the mercy of opinions that may have no basis in reality. It’s soul-deadening. It keeps you trapped—seeking validation from others, chasing approval, and outsourcing your confidence to people who were never meant to hold it. It makes no sense!

Here’s why:

Self-worth is an inside job. It’s the unshakable knowing that you are enough—without applause, without permission, without anyone else deciding your value.

Self-esteem, on the other hand, is borrowed. It’s fragile, built on external praise, and disappears the moment approval fades.

Think about it: Maybe you’re exceptional at what you do—whether it’s your career, your creativity, or the way you show up for others. People admire you. They celebrate your talents. But deep down, do you believe it? When the applause stops, when the audience disappears, does your confidence remain?

True confidence isn’t built on approval. It’s built on trusting yourself. The kind of trust that lets you take bold risks, step into the unknown, and rise—no matter what.

Here’s another surprise: In my (40 years now) experience of empowering women to live their most authentic and desired life, the most “culturally aesthetic” women most often have the lowest self-worth.

Let that really sink in…. Beautiful women struggle the most with self-worth. Too often, western women hold tightly to cultural concepts of what it means to be beautiful—often unattainable standards created by the cosmetics industry to keep women chasing (and paying for) ever-changing concepts of so-called beauty. That multi-billion dollar chase for perfection does nothing to build self-confidence. Failure to meet that artificial level of “beauty” too often damages the soul, because culturally defined beauty is fleeting, and few of us meet the standards of airbrushed notions of what is advertised as such. Meanwhile, true beauty, based on values of kindness, humanity, compassion, generosity, acceptance, and diversity cultivated from within is ignored. And because she’s chasing the unattainable, the woman feels somehow wrong, unworthy….

Look, I’m as guilty as the last lipstick I purchased, and I want to be clear here: It’s fine to want to look and be your best—as defined by YOU. When you’re confident in your own skin, you’re not seeking approval from others; you’ve got this. And you know inside, that you are not dependent on the opinions or culturally defined standards of others. That’s true confidence. That’s what I hope for every woman reading this. Know your value. Know your convictions. Trust that you always have your own best answers. And if you need any help in getting to that place of unshakable confidence, check out the TOOLBOX and start reclaiming the confidence that has always been yours.

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